Lately I have been so inspired by the people around me who are just DOING things. It is so cool to see people creating, refining, and continuously putting effort and energy into these passion projects, not because they’re being paid to, not because they’re given the opportunity to, and not because they had the perfect resources or set of circumstances align. They simply decided something was important to them, and they made it happen without permission.
Every year around this time I write a “New Years Eve is my favorite holiday” -type post, and I suppose this will be mine for this year. I also always fill out a series of questions that I wrote for myself a few years back, one of which is “if you could have done anything differently this year, what would it have been?”
Now, I’m not prone to feeling regret at all, and I’m really good at optimism, so this question always stumps me because it forces me to wander into mental territory that I usually like to avoid. For the last couple years, the answer to this question has been “to follow-through with more ideas.”
I have so many ideas. Sometimes they’re vanity projects, sometimes they’re innovative, sometimes they’re little things like a new way of organizing a storage closet or big things like a new career path. Sometimes they’re gift ideas for friends or family that I know I could never afford to execute. Sometimes they’re trips I would love to go on. Sometimes they’re ideas for new outfits, or experiences, or routines. Sometimes I get to them on the laundry list, and sometimes I don’t. In fact, usually I don’t.
So why is that? I’ve been doing some soul-searching to try to figure out why it is that I DON’T pursue these little sparks in my mind, no matter what the content or direction. What is so scary about it? Why is it such an act of bravery to jump head-first into bringing to life something that currently exists as a concept?
The answer? I think I fear judgement. I fear commitment. I fear the inevitable hardships and discouragement and potential rejection. I fear failure. I fear the final product won’t fulfill me the way I had hoped it would.
So it’s easier to just sit back and do the bare minimum instead of go the extra mile. It’s easier to get 8 hours of sleep and have evenings free instead of staying up until 3am lost in the creation of a game plan. It’s easier to jot things down in bullet points and tuck them into a journal than it is to actually put them out into the world.
But then I see you all. Those who are taking the time, spending the money, doing the work, and in turn living productive, free, EPIC lives. You all are striving, surviving, and thriving, and I am truly in awe of the fearlessness with which you live your lives.
So as 2018 comes to an end, I unfortunately find myself again answering my least favorite question the same way. But, here’s my promise to myself (and in turn to all of you): 2019 will be the year of bravery and FOLLOW-THROUGH. It will be the year of going the extra mile for no one else but myself. It’ll be the year of execution, the year of making shit happen, the year of diving in head-first with help or without help, with support or without support, but ALWAYS with infallible confidence, even if I have a whirlpool of doubt trying to drown my instincts.
Most importantly though, it’ll be the year of not answering that question the same way come next New Year’s Eve. Because I’ll know that without a doubt, I didn’t leave a single stone unturned.
I didn’t let any vision fall off the tracks.
I made ALL the shit HAPPEN.
I strived, I survived, and I THRIVED.
See you in the New Year!!!